He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
