The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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