Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
