How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
