Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
