I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her vagine was all disorganized.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Alive.
So much puke
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
