Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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