she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just pee around me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
