We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
