I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
