Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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