Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
...so i touched it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
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Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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