Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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