Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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