if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
