I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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