I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
