Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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