There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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