Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
