I love black thongs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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