fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
