Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
