smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
