you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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