i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
