So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
