if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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