She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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