honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are we still banned from the library?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
