She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
