I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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