are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
