I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
