dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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