Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
