suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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