Nicole vs. Life
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
