just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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