I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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