Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
