at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
