I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
