So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
