wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
