My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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