Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
