forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
