a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
