im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
