Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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