if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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