I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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