you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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