Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
