I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
