Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
