i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
