I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
