just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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