omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
