my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
