Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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