2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
