so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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