I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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