I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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