Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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