You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
