wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
