Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
