I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
