K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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