The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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