He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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