btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
