I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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